she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
