That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
