Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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