I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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