I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
