Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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