so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
