Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
