Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
