How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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