Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Still dying that you shit outside
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
