names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize