sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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