My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
