He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
