I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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