This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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