my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
