just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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