we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
