I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize