and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
