its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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