Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
