I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Come see our sink grown plant.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
