i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize