Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
