i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
