BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
