He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
