I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
