I won't be sarcastic... just naked
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
