I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
