Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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