He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You're like the curious george of whores
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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