that's an acceptable place to lick
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
