I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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