The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
