she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
