Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
