Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize