Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
