Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize