I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
