My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
