Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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