am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
