I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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