Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
