i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
