i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
