"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
