I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
