I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
