Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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