hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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