I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
