But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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