I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
