can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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