sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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