Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i've created a new STD.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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