you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
