i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
