I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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