see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
50% drunk capacity currently
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
