But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
